1. "Why you actin white": I read a lot of blogs about growing up in Elizabeth, NJ. Most of my classmates seem to have experienced acceptance into their Latino and African American communities where education and social economic advancement were valued. Some of you don't even recall experiencing negative attitudes or prejudice concerning your culturally and linguistically diverse families. My experience was a little different. I remember feeling prejudice, but not from a black vs. white standpoint. I experienced more prejudice from within the African American community, in my own neighborhood.
I remember growing up all my life hearing "Why you act so white?", "Why do you talk like a white girl?" I thought I was speaking and acting like everyone else. I spoke clearly, and enunciated my words. It is how my Grandmother, and mother taught me to speak. But for some it way to deny my membership into urban community where I lived, which was a mix of middle class--to working poor families. I was bused to gifted and talented schools in "better" areas, so I did not go to school or spend the majority of my day with the members of my community. I was accused of thinking I was better than other black people because I was smart or a "nerd" as it was put to me. Because of racism, and stereotyping "white" mannerisms meant that you identified with white people and did not accept your culture.
I would like to explore how I learned to navigate my own membership into the community. I learned to identify only with certain types of black people and it made me value diversity more than ever. The importance of my project is because I learned to navigate within my community using a "performance identity", which is very confusing and painful to an adolescent growing up. You never learn to be yourself. Within my community, I had to use more of "urban attitude", meaning you are more street smart than book smart. You dress and look the other members but, you carry yourself in such a way where you are role model of the group. But, that can go either way. Some will love you or hate you. I also learned that as far as racism goes, people generally (tolerate) people regardless of their race, as long as they don't fit the stereotypes of the ones they are prejudiced against. So, I learned how to not act too "white" around the blacks, and how not to act too "black" around the diverse groups.
The flip side is having children, I always wanted them be themselves. They were encountering the same problems in the community, so I moved them out. However, with the rash of events concerning blacks and whites in the community like, racial profiling, police brutality, killing of unarmed teenagers, I learned to view racism as more of threat in the 21st century. Now, prejudice has a new approach. It is no longer just about your physical characteristics, education, or class. Prejudice can be toward something as utilitarian as a "Hoodie" or even worse, a black male being in the wrong place at the wrong time--being black. So I guess to tie it into "The politics of language" I would also like to explore how I have to have conversations or negotiations with my seventeen year old son, on how to navigate public spaces--being African American--in a "non-threatening" way so to speak. It is that performance identity that started with my journey as an adolescent, and has continued.
So I am trying to figure out how to do this project without doing a lot of writing. My story is a long, heartfelt one and I can get carried away. I know I have two themes going on here, but they both matter to me, so I have to figure out a way to explore both and make them meaningful.
Thank you for reading this. It was long and descriptive, but I did warn you all that I dream about my writing and my ideas up to the last minute. So this is the stream of consciousness that over spills during the wee hours of the morning.
2. Race and Identity: I would also like to be a part of (Kim and Jayme's) Don't Judge a Book.
One thing I was thinking of was to have pictures of people in their everyday life, normal habitat kind of thing and have a word bank. The word bank would include five different occupations, 5 different cultures, or economic scenarios which students would have to choose from, to see how much stereotyping or assumptions they would make about the subject. I will explain more in class, it might make more sense. I have done to much writing, and I know my grammars sucks. Please excuse, it is 5:00 am..LOL
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